There was a small team for golf at Toots Hill this year. A wonderful course complete with lakes and bridges. There was even a friendly grounds man that stopped his buggy to provide advice since he noticed that I was doing everything wrong. (those were his words!) One of the things wrong was that the club I was using was too shinny! Anyhow, he concentrated on my grip and suggested I hold the club like a baseball bat! I think he might have been trying to sell me a new set of clubs and some lessons. Equipped with this new knowledge I attempted to drive a ball from the tee over the water on to the little island where the hole was inconveniently placed. I was not too surprised to loose two balls into the lake before the grounds man drove off in his buggy!

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This year there were a number of excuses (including going to a cricket match in Pakistan) and attendance at the AGM was down to six. However, the chairman carefully took note of the absent members and polled their views on some of the key points before the meeting so that their opinions could be taken into consideration. So the first point of order for discussion was whether we should take any notice of our absent colleagues wishes. The answer, predictably as a form of minor punishment for not being there, was to ignore their wishes. However, Mike tactfully suggested that we should consider their views after the initial vote had been taken. It turned out that the votes (absent or present) went pretty much the same way!

 

Minutes of SWAMPS AGM – 12 October 2024

Present: MM, BM, NF, JT, JD, DC

 

Opening: The meeting began with the declaration of the club’s mission statement.

Thanks: Special thanks were given to JD for generously allowing many sessions to take place in the Masturbatorium and to Sunita for her forbearance.

Review: Nick gave a review of the season 2023 – 2024. Here are the relevant statistics as presented by our senior technical guru:

Films

Andy - overall winner with Straight Story 78%

Nick - overall looser! 53% - I don’t feel at home in this world

anymore

Dan - best film 79% Wil

Mike - worst film 45% - Wellville

Ian - best intro 91%

Mike - best food 93%

Andrew - worst food 53% - spam inspired by The Thing

 

Scorers

Andy tends to score highly for film - average 77%

Bruce tends to score low for film - average 56%

Nick tends to score highly for intro - average 82%

Simon tends to score low for intro - average 58%

Andy tends to score highly for food - average 84%

Jonathan tends to score low for food - average 60%

 

Overall scores

Promising Young Woman 75% Ian 10-Sep-2024 2024

Wil 73% Dan 13-Aug-2024 2024

Road to Wellville 56% Mike 16-Jul-2024 2024

Late night with the devil 75% James 11-Jun-2024 2024

Nine Queens 67% Bruce 14-May-2024 2024

The Thing 59% Andrew 9-Apr-2024 2024

The Straight Story 78% Andy 12-Mar-2024 2024

Casablanca 74% Simon 13-Feb-2024 2024

I don't feel at home in this world Anymore 53% Nick 9-Jan-2024 2024

The Great Dictator 68% Robin 12-Dec-2023 2024

Quo Vadis 69% Jonathan 14-Nov-2023 2024

 

It was decided that absentee members (X 5!) would not having voting rights at this meeting unless there was an impasse.

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Decisions

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The return of the scrote: It was decided that 14 themes should be put into the scrote and hosts would pick put three and select one for their forthcoming session. The two others would be returned to the scrote. This allows all members to have a choice among three themes. NF will allocate who goes when using his automatic technical randomiser and members will select from the scrote at the sessions. The only exception is for the first session on 12 November. This will be hosted by DC and NF will present him with three random themes so he can start preparing the next showing.

The 14 themes are as follows

• Female directors

• Female leads

• Sex

• Drugs

• Musicals

• Comedies

• Animation

• Foreign language film from a wine growing country (Not UK/USA)

• War

• Biopic

• Documentary

• Espionage

• Political

• Psychological thriller

 

There will be no change to the scoring system. However, two members have kindly offered guidance on how we might score. AC has the following guidance for scoring the film

0 = Turkey

1 = Poor

2 = Had its moments

3 = Worth staying awake for

4 = Very watchable

5 = Essential viewing

 

The idea is to multiply these by 4 when scoring out of 20. Members were reminded that we need to use the full range of points and not stick to the 10-16 range.

Much discussion was had over the food. It was decided to keep some offering but it was up to individual members to make what effort they want but should be rewarded with the appropriate food points. JT has kindly offered the following guidance on scoring food:

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0: Fucking lazy fucking bastards who don’t fucking respect the fucking club

1: Wouldn’t fucking gives this to a fucking dog

2: Fucking sparse effort with fucking baguette fucking cheese and pate

3: Minimal fucking effort but at least has tried with one fucking extra dish

4: Decent fucking attempt, one or two dishes that might fucking tickle the fucking palate

5: Fucking bollocks JT style that could get a fucking Michelin star

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It was decided to maintain crips of plain and different flavours but members were exhorted to eat with their mouths closed and not rustle crips packets at key suspense moments.

It was suggested that members might continue to seek links with wine and food to the film being shown. This again can be reflected in the scoring.

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It was agreed that 11 members is an ideal number for the club and there should be no change until someone leaves the club.

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AOB

The AGM for 2025 was set as 11/12 October. Members appreciated the time to be away from home and thought it would be good to go away somewhere for the AGM next year. Chairman to take this up in due course.

The idea of a subscription was discussed and then abandoned

The Toot Hill golf course was well received and it was decided an optional member’s event should take place there on 30 July 2025. This would include a round of golf followed by a curry at their Indian restaurant tried and tested by JT (Michelin approved taster) and MM.

 

Yours

Bruce (Hon Sec 2nd year)